“I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”
Though it may sound cliché, people aren’t perfect. If your girlfriend tells you that she wouldn’t change a thing about you, then red flags should go up. There’s always that one annoyance in a partner — sometimes it’s bearable, sometimes it’s not. Hell, you probably see those things in yourself. Usually, women will use this tactic to sweeten their men up, and may even take it from there to get what they want. If you believe this, well, not only do you have quite the ego, but you deserve to be lied to.
“I love sports!”
Granted, some women do actually enjoy sports, but those aren’t usually the ones that announce it to the world. Those who do are in all likelihood lying. It’s usually the same old desperate attempt to gain male attention, and connect on that much-coveted “guy level.” If she truly does like sports, you’ll come across it when you get to know her — otherwise you should know when she’s bullshitting. Don’t hesitate to call her out, or better yet: Make her sit through an entire game.
“I’m just not ready to be serious right now.”
Women aren’t the only culprits with this lie, but it’s seen in a very different light when a guy says it. It’s really not surprising when a man says it, and even uses it as an excuse to get with another woman — men usually settle down later than women, and it’s even been boiled down to genetics. Yeah, it’s a double standard, but that’s just how it is. When a woman says it, it’s usually code for “I just want to keep being skanky.” Big clues for this one are the countless “guy friends” she has, because she “doesn’t get along well with other girls.”
“It doesn’t bother me if you look at other women.”
Many women don’t like to be that “naggy girlfriend,” so they try to be as fair and passive as possible. It’s all a front most of the time, and they wind up seething inside with jealousy at the very thought of their boyfriend looking at another woman. It’s just a natural instinct for a woman to feel the need to keep her partner, but they tend to lie about it anyway to be nice. Girls who use this one tend to be the passive-aggressive type.
“It doesn’t matter how much you make.”
It’s seen as shallow and gold digger-esque for a woman to openly express the desire for her boyfriend to make a lot of money. When it comes down to it, outside of lala land, it does matter how much you make — at least in pragmatic terms, anyway. People do have to make a living, and they need to have some sort of means of support (Got that, Mister starving artist?). But, instead of talking about finances and expenditures like adults, women like to lie about it to make them seem angelic, romantic, and free-spirited.
“I love spending time with your mom!”
If you’re lucky, you’ll end up with in-laws you’ll love — but it’s not likely. Women are expected to bond on that girly level with other women, to include their man’s dear old mum — but it’s not realistic to expect them all to get along. A typical woman won’t care about realism in this case; she’ll lie about how much she hates her boyfriend’s mother just to be nice. It’s a terrible idea in the long run, especially if it backfires and she’s forced to spend extended periods of time with the woman.
“I don’t mind picking up the tab tonight.”
Many women feel the need to be treated like a princess — you know the type. It’s nice to treat a woman to a night out every once in a while, but when she tells her boyfriend she wants to pick up the tab after dinner, she’s probably lying. She wants to look like the nice girl, modern and fair. You can tell if she’s lying right away by checking out her body language. Does she even make an attempt to reach for the check? If not, you should make her pay — maybe she won’t lie about that again.
“I’m not mad at you.”
This is one of the most common lies a woman will tell her boyfriend, or anyone, really. It’s just one of those frustrating things a guy will have to deal with — she expects everyone to magically predict when she doesn’t like something, even if she’s hiding it. Unless you’re a mind reader, you’ll have to get her to actually talk about what’s bothering her, because most guys will just let this one slide and see it as resolved — don’t. It always blows up later, and be a much bigger headache than the tiny argument you may have now.
“You’re the best I’ve ever had!”
People say the darndest things during and after sex, but this one is usually a blatant lie. We suppose it’s possible that she’s just had the best ever, but it all depends on her. If she were a virgin, then it’s likely she wasn’t lying. Most women simply say it to give an ego boost men love to get, so this lie isn’t all that harmful. It’s just transparent.
“I don’t mind if you go to the strip club with the guys.”
Just think back to “I don’t mind if you look at other women.” This is a bit worse than that one; not only would her boyfriend be looking at other women, but mostly/fully naked women groping and grinding on him. Depending on the club in question, it can get even more intense than that. If she tells you she’s alright with this, then she’s probably just being nice (read: Passive). Other possibilities include: She has you incredibly whipped, and expects you not to go after careful consideration, or she may even want to go with you — to keep tabs (…Or watch, but at that point we’re talking about an entirely different subject).
“It wasn’t that expensive.”
Women love to use this one. Why? Because they can get away with it. Most men have no idea what a purse is worth by looking at it, unless — maybe — it’s the purse pictured above. It’s one of the most expensive purses in the world, crafted from platinum and diamonds, but we bet that your girlfriend could bring home a knock-off that’d have you fooled anyway.
“Size doesn’t matter, it’s how you use it!”
Does size really matter? It’s the age old question to which we all would like a definitive answer, and not the Dr. Ruth middle-of-the-road crap, either. Thing is, regardless of how many studies are done, women will still lie about this one, especially if her boyfriend isn’t particularly well-endowed. Think about extreme cases — sometimes it’s just beyond help. Women usually like to be “nice” and think they’re making their boyfriends feel better. If it’s small, he probably knows it.
“He’s just my friend.”
This is a huge one. Almost all women think that they can be platonic friends with a straight male, but it’s just not the case. People (read: These women) will argue the point to death, but the plain fact of the matter is that given the chance, men will sleep with their female friends. If any woman is actually naive enough to believe this through and through, she usually receives a very rude awakening at some point down the road. Her friend has probably thought about her naked at least twice, if not hundreds of times. What’s worse is if a woman already knows she’s not “just friends” with some guy — that’s when trouble really brews.
“I won’t get mad if you say I look fat in this.”
This is a tricky one — it’s almost always a trap. It usually goes something like this; a woman will tell her boyfriend to be honest about the jeans that double as sausage encasing for her ass. Whether or not he’s honest is up to him, but women like to get compliments — which is what she’s indirectly fishing for in this situation. She’s lying sure enough, and woman or not, who wants to be called fat?
“Your friends are great! I don’t mind if they come over.”
Another case of a woman trying to be accommodating; if she says this, then she’s probably lying. It’s rare that a woman genuinely likes her boyfriend’s friends; they come in all types — single and rowdy, drunk and desperate, single and desperate but sober — the list goes on. Not to mention the mess guys make when they come over to watch the game, that she will likely clean when he and his buddies fail to do so. Basically, she’s always weary of the friends and how they might screw up all her hard work.
